Coaches Wives Panel

[00:00:04] Speaker A: Welcome to the abca's podcast. I'm your host, ryan brownlee. If you run a baseball facility, Swift is the only piece of software you need to manage and grow your business. From scheduling and payments to memberships and retail, Swift takes care of it all. Your coaches can use the app to manage their schedule on the go, and your customers have a sleek and fast way to book online lessons, rentals, camps, packages and more all in one spot. That's why hundreds of the best baseball facilities across the country rely on Swift. And now, with their upcoming AI Front desk, you can literally put your business on autopilot. Get started in minutes@run SwiftApp download. That's runswiftapp.com ABCA spend less time behind the Screen and more time on the field this episode is sponsored by Netting Pros. Netting Professionals are improving programs one facility at a time. Netting Professionals specializes in the design, fabrication and installation of custom netting for backstops, batting cages, dugouts, BP screens, and ball carts. They also design and install digital graphic wall padding, windscreen turf, turf protectors, dugout benches, dugout cubbies, and more. Netting Professionals is an official partner of the ABCA and continues to provide quality products and services to many high school, college and professional fields, facilities and stadiums throughout the country. Netting Professionals are improving programs one facility at a time. Contact them today at 627 oh7 or infoettingpros.com visit them online at www.nettingpros.com or check out NettingPros on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn for all their latest products and projects. Make sure to let CEO Will Minor know that the ABCA sent you. Now on to the podcast. We have a very special ABCA podcast this week as we're joined by five successful coaches wives. Joining us this week are Maggie Corbin, wife of Tim Corbin Jayma Hitt, wife of rick hitt Katrina McCormack, wife of John McCormack Mary Napoleon, wife of Dusty Napoleon and Candy Brownlee, wife of Jim Brownlee. All have been part of successful programs. [00:02:41] Speaker B: And raised great families. [00:02:43] Speaker A: Those of us in the coaching industry. [00:02:44] Speaker B: Know how hard it is to raise. [00:02:45] Speaker A: And keep together a family in athletics. All five have been very successful in their own right as well. This episode is about giving an inexpensive experience to families that are trying to navigate the coaching journey. It's a very impactful and entertaining listen. Growing up in a coach's house and having gone through it myself with my own family, this topic is near and. [00:03:02] Speaker B: Dear to my heart. [00:03:03] Speaker A: Let's welcome everyone to the podcast. [00:03:08] Speaker B: All right here with this is a first time. This is a baseball coaches wives panel, but we're with. Mary Napoleon, whose husband is at New Trier High School, now goes back to me with Iowa. Jayma Hitt, who is Rick Hitt's wife down there in Florida junior college. Katrina McCormack, who is associate athletic director at FAU but married to John McCormack, who's the head baseball coach at Florida Atlantic. My mom, Candy Brownlee. And then Maggie Corbin, who's been at Vandy now for a long time with Tim Corbin at Vandy. So thanks for jumping on with me, guys. [00:03:41] Speaker C: Thanks for having us. [00:03:42] Speaker D: Yeah, thanks for inviting us. [00:03:44] Speaker B: Yeah. And for the listeners, I mentioned this on the pre call. This has been my notes for a long time, but then had multiple couples come up to me at the convention wanting to do this because we've all been through it and there's really no blueprint to navigate how to get through this successfully. So that's why I wanted to get this group on here. And thanks for joining on Super Bowl Sunday. But let's go around the horn here. Maggie, if you want to go first, just intro yourselves for the listeners that may not know you. [00:04:13] Speaker C: Well, like you said, I'm Maggie Corbin. I'm married to Tim Corbin. We've been at Vanderbilt for 24 years now. Before that, Tim was an assistant at Clemson for nine years. Before that, Presbyterian College for six years. So we've been at this a long, long time. And, you know, it's been a journey. I mean, we can get into this later. But as a younger coach's wife, I wasn't as involved because I was raising my children and I wanted to be there for them. But then as they grew up, I transitioned and became more involved with our team and with Tim. And so it's kind of been just an ongoing kind of partnership and a good one. [00:04:56] Speaker B: Jaime, go ahead. [00:04:58] Speaker E: Okay. [00:05:00] Speaker F: So Rick and I have been married for 35 years. He has coached for 38 years. Altogether, 28 of those have been at junior college level and then 10 at high school level. And he has also been the athletic director at SFSC for 25 years as well. So we had two girls that were raised at baseball fields. Loved it. And they went from, you know, climbing the trees and not caring about what was happening on the field to actually watching the games, being interested, dragging the field with their dad. Just really good memories. [00:05:43] Speaker B: Katrina, go ahead. [00:05:45] Speaker E: Well, John and I met. I had moved to Boca Raton and was working in sports information, and he was an assistant coach. And we've kind of just Grown up together at Florida Atlantic like Jamie. Our kids were there. We kind of allowed them to be there when they wanted to be and not be there when they wanted to be. And they didn't really grasp the advantages that they really had of growing up on a college campus until they were much later and they truly became fans probably right after high school. [00:06:20] Speaker B: Mary, go ahead. [00:06:23] Speaker G: I'm right in that spot with my kids being raised on the baseball field and we absolutely love it. So my husband's been coaching high school for the last year. This is his second season. Before that, we were at Northwestern for eight years. Before that, Concordia, before that, Western Illinois. So I've actually been a coach's girlfriend. I've been a coach's fiance, coach's wife. Now raising my kids as coaches kids. It's been a really fun journey already. But hearing about like your kids, seeing it through, it's something I'm really looking forward to. [00:07:03] Speaker B: Mom, go ahead. [00:07:05] Speaker D: Hi, I'm Candy Brownlee. I'm married to Jim Brownlee. We just celebrated our 56th wedding anniversary. So we've both been around for a really long time. Jim was a high school coach as well and then assistant at Illinois State University. And then he was. And we did a lot of summer college, summer ball, and then we moved to Evansville, Indiana, where he was the baseball coach there for 23 years. He then moved back to his alma mater, Illinois State University, where he actually played on a national championship team. He ended up his coaching career there. And now we've moved to Gulf Breeze, Florida to be in the warmer weather. It's been so much fun. Jim and I talked earlier today and I said, how many baseball games do you think I've seen? And we both decided probably over 5,000 games when you include the Cubs in there. But it was such a joy to raise our sons in the baseball atmosphere. They both played, of course, Little League and Pony League and they played Legion and then they both won state championships when they were in high school, when they were seniors. And then one of my greatest joys was they both played for Jim at the University of Evansville. So it was a fun ride, for sure. [00:08:26] Speaker B: And coached with them too, for two years. I was. [00:08:29] Speaker D: That's right. And coached with them. [00:08:31] Speaker B: And this, this is near and dear to me because I grew up around it. But I've been in the baseball industry as an employee now for 29 years. But my wife and I have been married for 23 years. We've got a 23 year old and a 20 year old. So we're kind of navigating now though, once they get through it and now what they're doing and what are some other tips? We'll go back around the same horn here. What are some tips for maybe people that are trying to navigate this for the first time since there isn't a blueprint for this? [00:08:57] Speaker C: Well, I mean, just listening to everybody's journey, you can, because we have two daughters as well. They're 40 and 38. And you can hear every one of these women have integrated themselves and their children into their husbands, profession or journey and they've done it with love and joy and embraced it. And I think that's the best piece of advice either embrace the journey and integrate your children into this wonderful world of. There's just so much about it that can be fun and educational instead of like be bitter about it and resent it, you know, just embrace it and raise your children in it. And I mean to, to think that we have the opportunity to be around these very special young boys and men and help groom them and have our children watch it is, is a gift. It's a gift. I agree. [00:09:58] Speaker G: I think it's so special. One thing that I would say just, I feel like I'm the newbie here, by the way, and I'm just, you know, just seeing these things. But for us, I think making sure that you have a community, you need to go and create a community for yourself in these, with these teams, with the parents, with the colleges. Like you need to have a tribe that you can lean on too because you're going to need help. You're might, you might not necessarily be able to do everything yourself. Kudos if you can. My sister in law, she has five little kids, she's also a coach's wife. She does it all. She's amazing. But like having these communities, like you need to be able to lean on people during these, you know, these long seasons, it can be hard. [00:10:50] Speaker D: I think another thing is you definitely have to be flexible. You know, there was so many things happened, we moved so many years and I know so many of you have moved numerous times. Especially in the beginning years. You move every two or three years. You have to be ready to pack up your kids and pack up your house and go and do those things to support your husband. I also think you have to be flexible in a way. Let's say finally you're going to have a date night. He's been at away games, had away games for a couple of weeks and finally he's home and you're going to have a date night after the baseball game, and then that game goes into extra innings, so all of the plans out the door, and you have to just embrace that and eat a frozen pizza that night. [00:11:38] Speaker G: What's a date night? No. [00:11:42] Speaker E: It'S called a recruiting trip when. [00:11:43] Speaker C: You go see a family. [00:11:47] Speaker B: Katrina or Jamie, you have anything to add on that? [00:11:49] Speaker E: Yes. I think for me, it's just really special. As Maggie said, it's a gift to be around these young men because they influence your son's or daughter's life more than what you can imagine. Our kids never really hung out too much in the dugout, but they were playing video games with the players at night and treating them as if they were their older brothers. So I think you can embrace the different cultures in the community that your kids are surrounded by. And I don't know of another profession where you can actually watch your husband do it. I'm certainly not going into a surgery and watching a knee surgery. So just to be able to have the opportunity and steal those precious moments when your husband is making an impact on somebody's life is the things that I remember. You know, John often remembers the things that he didn't get to do with our sons or with me or maybe it was a trip, but we were there when our kids in the middle of the day to go to things at their schools. And you make the things that you can do as special as you possibly can. [00:13:03] Speaker F: Exactly. That's what I was going to say, too, because they are gone so much. And I know some of your husbands are on all these committees as well, so they're, you know, out of town, out of state a lot. But my husband has always really done really well with making the best of the times that we do have together. You know, he knows he did have to miss dance recitals and, you know, things here and there because of his job. But he was so good at creating such a good anything that we did together. So precious because, you know, it didn't happen, you know, as often as he probably would like it to. [00:13:43] Speaker B: My mom. Go ahead, go ahead. [00:13:45] Speaker C: Well, I think your children take on your view of it. Like, I mean, Tim never saw our girls graduate or any of that. But because I wasn't bitter or resentful then, they learned not to be bitter or resentful. You know, they're going to take on your personality and your take on it and like I think Jama said, and maybe Katrina, love and, you know, between the father and your children can come at any time. You Know, it doesn't have to be at the big events. It can come picking them up at school for lunch or, you know, those little things that can matter. And as a mother, I always embrace that. And so my girls were never bitter, they were never resentful, you know, when he missed things, our family. [00:14:42] Speaker B: And Jackson was born in Virginia when we were at jmu. And then Nora was born in Iowa City. But the drop off once, Nora for preschool, basically, and then school, that was kind of my thing to do, is to be able to drop them off if I could, if I was in town at that time. That was kind of my thing to do with them when they were kids. [00:15:01] Speaker F: Yeah. [00:15:02] Speaker G: I don't know if you guys do this, but for. With being flexible and trying to enjoy the moments that you have together, one thing is like holidays. I feel like it doesn't matter what day you celebrate them. You know, it's kind of like the holiday is when we can celebrate it, whatever it is, you know, like there's no Easter. Right. Like that is Right. And smack dab in the middle of the church of baseball. Right. So, like, we can celebrate Easter another time when we're all together. [00:15:35] Speaker D: That's. [00:15:35] Speaker G: That's when we celebrate. Right. Dusty definitely has never had a base, has never had a birthday. May 21, no birthday for him. [00:15:43] Speaker A: June 14. [00:15:44] Speaker G: We celebrate when we're together. [00:15:45] Speaker E: You know, I've. [00:15:47] Speaker B: I've said that multiple times. I've probably been around my family maybe three or four times on June 14th. [00:15:52] Speaker F: Right. [00:15:52] Speaker G: Oh, how about Valentine's Day? Speaking of, what's a date night? Like, what's Valentine's Day? [00:15:56] Speaker C: Get it? [00:15:57] Speaker G: Valentine's Day is in September. No, August. [00:16:00] Speaker B: Yes, but from the child's perspective. My mom used to apologize that we don't go on family vacations, but I'm like, mom, my classmates are jealous of me because I get to ride the bus and do all things that they never get to do. So, like, there's that flip side of that, of being around college aid kids. They're going to be jealous of you because of that. I learned how to play euchre when I was like 6 years old. But what are some other pitfalls? Because we're kind of getting on the positives too. What are some pitfalls? And not. You guys have great relationships, but maybe things that you've seen from assistant coaches or along the ways of what hasn't worked for some people. [00:16:39] Speaker E: I think for me, for our kids, we always had to be cognizant that their father cast a big shadow And Maggie could probably speak to this as well. I personally liked it because I knew that they were toeing the line because it. It was a reflection on their dad. And you could speak to this, too, Ryan. It's. Everybody knows who you are. And we actually make fun of it and call it get getting macked. I got picked for jury duty one time because the attorney knew John. And so you just roll with those. But in a way, I think it helps develop or it's a check on your shoulder of, am I representing my husband the way I should be, or are my kids representing their father the way they should be? But we made fun of that, too. But I think ultimately it made great young men of our sons. [00:17:37] Speaker B: Anything else to add on that? [00:17:38] Speaker C: I mean, one thing. This is, like, so personal, but, you know, if you know my husband, he's not a good loser. And when we were young and first married and he would lose or lose the game, he wouldn't come home after the game. He would sleep in his office. And so for the first few years of that, I, like, took it really personally, you know, and internalized it and thought, well, something's wrong with us and something's wrong with me. And then as I got older and. And wiser, I realized that his inability to handle loss has nothing to do with me or our marriage. And in fact, I bought him a sofa bed for his office so that he could just stay there and sleep it off. And I got to the point where I'm fine with that. But I will have to say, when I was young, it was harder for me. And now I'm fine. I'm fine. I just know he needs space. He's not going to speak after loss. I'm not going to ask a question after loss. We just need some time. And those are some of the pitfalls, I think, that young married coaches and coaches, wives can fall into. [00:19:00] Speaker B: And I was awful, too. Like, and sometimes you don't want to bring it home with you. And that was one of my questions, too. Are there any tips to try to help them not bring it home? Because it's extremely difficult. You invest, it's gonna be 90 to 100 hours a week in what you're doing as a college coach. You know, it was really hard for me if we weren't playing well. Because you didn't want to bring it home to your family. [00:19:23] Speaker C: Well, he didn't bring it home. That would be his tip. And that's what he said. I don't want to be that guy for you. And the Girls to have to walk around on eggshells. So I'm not going to bring it home. And then I'd usually pick him up the next day and take him to Waffle House and you know, he'd be fine then. [00:19:41] Speaker D: So that's funny. [00:19:44] Speaker F: Well, my husband does not like to lose either. I think that's just thing. But remember and see, Rick is different in that way. I can remember parents after a terrible loss would walk past me and say, oh, Mrs. Hit, I feel sorry for you having to go home with him tonight, you know, that kind of thing. But my husband honestly can leave that on the field. He comes home now, he'll want to go through the first pitch all the way to the very last out with me, even though I was there and saw every bit of it. That's how he processes things. He wants to go through and talk about it from the beginning to the end. So that's kind of his therapy. And you know, but he was never, he would never bring home thankfully you know, any, he was never, you know, mad or frustrated or he was never quiet or sulky or anything like that. So we were very fortunate in that way. Parents just assumed that, you know, it was going to be terrible when we went home together, you know, after, after this loss. But it wasn't that way. [00:20:46] Speaker B: And Maggie, my dad had retired and then when I went to Western Illinois, Iowa needed a pitching coach. My dad actually left Illinois, left Bloomington and stayed with my family in Iowa City. And I actually slept on a pull out couch in my office at Western Illinois. But that's because my family had stayed in Iowa City. So you know, those are the things. And mom talk about that a little bit too. I mean you and dad probably, you probably wanted to get him out of the house at that point. He'd been retired for three years. You probably wanted him to at least go back and coach at least one more time. [00:21:16] Speaker D: Well, we, we always joke about that because not only was He a Division 1 baseball coach, but he also refereed college basketball in the early years until, you know, baseball grew so much that he didn't have time to do that. But he always tells a funny story about being in Detroit in the winter. He was playing Detroit, was playing Iona and they, he was, he got snowed in. So the next morning he's waiting to get out at the airport and this guy says to him, what do you do for a living? And he said, you know, what are you doing in Detroit? He said, I was, refereed the game last night and then he said and they said, well, what else do you do? And he said, I'm a Division 1 baseball coach. And the guy said, I bet you're happily married. And that's because we were never together. And so you're right, Ryan, that, you know, the last couple of years was a bit of a transition for us when we were home. But luckily there's golf, and he golfs a lot, so I still get my me time every once. [00:22:15] Speaker B: Yeah. And I was going to ask you that, Mom. You guys have made a good transition with him not coaching anymore. And how did you guys navigate that? Because I think that's the hard part is you have a lot more free time. So how do you navigate having that much free time on your. On your plate? [00:22:29] Speaker D: You know, we were fortunate to spend more time with each other, and we still go to baseball games, and we watch a lot of baseball games. You know, we watch a lot of Chicago Cubs games, so we still have that. But it's fun now to be able to go out to dinner, you know, if we want to go out to dinner, or yesterday we went to the farmer's market in the morning, you know, things that I would have. We would have either passed up or I would have done by myself or with you boys when we were younger. So, you know, I think that there's that opportunity. Even though it's hard, he never seemed to miss it. I think you kind of get to the point when you're retired that you go, okay, I'm retired and ready to move on. But he still loves sports. He still loves going to baseball games. You know, like you said, you're going to go to Atlanta this weekend with him, and golf has been great for him. [00:23:22] Speaker B: Mary, how about you? The transition going from college to high school now. [00:23:27] Speaker G: Oh, it's been wonderful. Dusty's home a ton, and we have four little kids. So this is actually like, when I really need him. I. I'm nervous for him to actually get into season because I've become a little reliant on him. But obviously, baseball season is the best season, and I'll get that more alone time. I won't be so sick of him. But it's funny, you were talking about pitfalls, and I'm preparing myself for this season. This is silly, but it's like one of the pitfalls is I can't get a homemade meal on the table for my entire family to enjoy together. That's one thing that I'm, like, mentally preparing. How do I do this? Logistically, A lot of times I feel like, true or false. It ends up being like snacks at the field. Like, I feel like I want to do that so badly. And I. In my mind, that's a. That's like a goal for success. Like, that's something where I would define as a successful day would be getting a warm meal on the table. Did you guys. Am I. Should I just not even set that bar? Is that too high? That's too high. [00:24:46] Speaker C: Yeah. It's not. [00:24:47] Speaker G: I felt like a failure all last season. [00:24:52] Speaker B: Maybe a practice Sunday, you know, and that's where you turn it into, like, okay, it might not be every day, but, you know, they probably aren't going to play on Sundays at New Trier. So is that the day where everybody can get together, where you navigate it more that way? Where. And that actually makes it a little bit more special then, too, because you have that one day a week that you're all going to get together. [00:25:12] Speaker G: Yeah. Maybe like, hot tip. Lower the bar. Lower your expectations. [00:25:20] Speaker D: And Mary, I always thought that's what crock pots were for. [00:25:23] Speaker G: Oh, yeah. [00:25:24] Speaker D: You could at least throw something in a crock pot and have it ready when you got home. [00:25:28] Speaker G: I think that's gonna be. That. That's gonna be. I'm gonna try my best to get that set up, but as I said. [00:25:36] Speaker D: There'S always frozen pizzas. [00:25:40] Speaker B: And the interesting thing with baseball, too, is they get done with their season on the college side, and then they go right into recruiting. And so, you know, how do you navigate that piece for them, too? I think it's hard for. It's good and bad for coaches. If you have a great season, it's good, but if you have a bad season, it's good, too, because you can kind of decompress and get on the road and go watch. Watch players play again, you know, Is there much of a transition for you all when they're starting to hit the road? Then? [00:26:07] Speaker E: I think for us, it took me a while until I learned that June was going to be bad and then December was going to be bad, and I didn't put two and two together until years later. And I'm like, oh, that's when the draft is and he loses kids, and that's when signing day is and he's trying to get kids. So it's almost like the folks who struggle at Christmas time with the. With the seasons and the sadness there rather than Christmas. I just knew it was going to be signing day or recruiting. And, you know, you just kind of make things easier for them at home and know that that Too shall pass. [00:26:48] Speaker G: It always bothered me, by the way, when people would say, oh, what's Dusty going to do in the off season? You're like, what is the off season? Yes, that somehow always bothered me. But yeah, now there we have a little bit of an off season now with high school, so that's been, that's been really nice. [00:27:06] Speaker B: How do you all navigate, you know, not every year is going to be great. And obviously it's easy for the wives to internalize success or not success on the field too. How do you guys handle some of the outside noise? Because social media, now anybody can say anybody with keyboard warriors, how do you kind of navigate the outside noise that's out there? We'd all like to think we don't internalize that outside noise, but it's very easy to do that as a human being. So how do you guys help with that? [00:27:32] Speaker C: Well, I'm off it. I got off it. And, you know, I mean, we made, you know, we've made a nightmare of expectations at Vanderbilt. You know, once you win a national championship or two, then if you don't do that every year, it's a failure. You don't go to Omaha, like, oh, I'm sorry about your season, even though you were in a regional or whatever. So I just, like I said, I'm off social media. I don't really engage in that conversation with people much after the season. I, I mean, we go right into camps and recruiting and I just sort of disappear a little bit. [00:28:16] Speaker E: Yeah, I didn't know I never appeared. I work every day with social media, so I do not have personal accounts and kind of stayed off of it. I learned early on when John became the head coach not to watch it. But I also take it a step further because I work in the same athletic department. I don't work much with baseball, so that I don't have or people think that I have the answers that I don't really have. And I don't really engage with parents in any sport because they've invested in their children and it's our job to take them to the next spot, but I just don't engage. And I'm sure the parents, you know, don't really think I have much of a personality, which may be true, but I just find my responsibility is to my family and my husband and, you know, I walk him out win or lose, and we kind of decompress. And by the time he gets to his office and then home, it's never the game is never spoke of again. [00:29:22] Speaker D: You definitely have to have thick skin, you know, that's a help. And because I think they win one day and they're celebrated and everybody loves them and then they lose the next day and everybody's judging and everybody's ridiculing and you just have to get used to that. You know, no one's going to win every single game every season. No one's going to hopefully lose every game every season. You know, so you, you just have to kind of let that noise get out of your head, I think in order to keep family semblance for sure. [00:29:55] Speaker B: And with having your own kids and successful kids, how did you navigate with what they were doing as kids? Because as I said pre call, my mom was my first coach, so she forced me to be in speech in sixth, seventh and eighth grade, which I did not want to do. But my mom was always really good at cultivating other things outside of sports. And we just kind of wanted to get your guys take on, on how you handle that with your kids. And I get a lot of questions from, from younger kids, parents now of, of more towards baseball, but I'm like, whatever they're into, just kind of fan that flame for them. Whatever they're into. It doesn't have to be sports. It could be other things. So how did you guys navigate that with your kids growing up? Because it all seems like they're really successful first. [00:30:38] Speaker D: Ryan, I have to just make a comment on your last comment. I was preparing you to have your dad, you know, so I was trying to help you out. [00:30:48] Speaker B: Yeah, but you didn't want me to go play for him. We can get into that. Nobody in my family wanted me to go to Evansville. I decided to go to Evansville, but they all sat me down and were like, we don't think you should go play for your dad in Evansville. [00:30:59] Speaker D: Well, we'll see how that turned out. [00:31:00] Speaker B: Yeah, but mom, how did you continue to nudge me? Because obviously it wasn't something that I really wanted to do and you weren't being forceful about it. You just knew it was probably going to help me down the road to be an impromptu and prose and some of that stuff speech wise. [00:31:14] Speaker D: Yeah, I hope. And I think some people, some of you referred to this, that as I looked at being a speech coach, how much that helped kids when they got into high school or they had to actually give speeches or speak at other things. I felt that that was an important skill and I think probably you observed some of that. My excitement when our speech team would do well when Students would do well and succeed. And I wanted that for you. I think I wanted you to be more well rounded. It actually worked for you. Did not work as well for your older brother. He pretty steadfastly stayed with just the athletics, but you finally did. I could nudge you over to that a little bit and just look at you now. Just think you've mixed both of those, your father's coaching and your mother's coaching to where you are today. So kudos to you. [00:32:11] Speaker B: Still, the most competitive person in our family is my mom. Game night, any of that stuff, like she was. Everybody sees my dad and brother, but my mom's the most competitive person in our family. [00:32:21] Speaker G: I'm sure this podcast is full of them right now, of all of us. [00:32:27] Speaker C: I think that what Mary said earlier about having a group of friends or a posse or whatever you want to call them, I mean, both our girls were heavily involved. Hannah, our younger one, was a nationally ranked tennis player and. And, you know, traveled all over the country for that. And our older one was very involved with dance, and she traveled all over the country. And there were times and they came first for me, absolutely. I mean, I would miss almost full baseball seasons at a time because I was with them every weekend. I mean, they came first. But a lot of times I'd have to send one of them with another dance mom or the tennis player with a. A tennis mom, you know, so I could be with the other one. Because you're really parenting as a solo parent for the most part, and so you've really got to lean on some people and, you know, and when you send your kid with others, I mean, that's not terrible. They learn how to act and, you know, that's education in itself. But both our girls were, you know, really successful. But like I said, they came first. And Tim understood that. And when they grew up, that's when he said, will you become more involved with me and help me with this team? And that was probably 15 years ago. And that's when I got much more involved. Because you're right, the kids come first. You have to, you know, foster what they're interested in. [00:33:57] Speaker B: And Maggie, how has that transition been for you? Because I think a lot of coaches, wives are, like, standoffish there, but you flourished in that role with doing what you're doing with Vani baseball. [00:34:06] Speaker C: Well, I mean, you know, I got. I dusted off, like, after Hannah left, you know, I dusted off my resume and said, you know, I think I'm going to get a job now. You know, and he said, I want to talk to you about something. And he just said, I'd really love you to be more involved in the baseball program if you would. Would you do this with me? And I was like, okay, you know, what does that look like? But, you know, it looks like I go to practice every single day and recruiting and, you know, obviously I'm not on the field coaching, but I'm involved in every aspect of the program and it's sort of like a family business and these kids are like our children and it's worked out. And not to say that I don't have my own interest. I still play tennis. I hike all over the world with a group of hikers. I mean, I do get away and do my own thing, but I also am very involved with the program. For sure. Works for us. [00:35:06] Speaker G: I feel like you're, like telling my future, by the way. [00:35:11] Speaker C: It'S okay. [00:35:12] Speaker G: Like, I feel like this. Yeah, I'm also taking notes. [00:35:15] Speaker B: Okay, what about then getting them through high school? Because I think that's a hard transition for kids. They go from grade school to then to high school. You know, how do you nurse them through the high school piece of it too? Because I have plenty of listeners that have high school age kids that are trying to navigate that right now. [00:35:33] Speaker D: Well, I said, I think, as Maggie said, you have to have your children come first during that time. So whatever they're into, you have to support that and whatever that might be. That might be a lot of dance rehearsals and dance recitals. It might be a lot of baseball and soccer games. But I think it's important for them to see that you're interested in them, that you care about them, and that you will stay involved in what's going on with them at the time. [00:36:06] Speaker F: Fortunately, at that time, they're able to drive themselves, but you are still attending everything that they're involved in. And our girls were dancers and they had lots of recitals and then they got into music theater. So they were in lots of shows at our community theater here. [00:36:24] Speaker B: So. [00:36:24] Speaker F: And I was one of those moms that went to every rehearsal and every show that they put on. So I spent as much time at the theater as they did. And of course, Rick would go to at least one of their shows for everything that, you know, each one that they had done. So he encouraged, you know, when they were younger, he encouraged them to try many things and they would dance for a few years. And then our youngest, Cassidy, decided she wanted to play soccer. So she played soccer for a year and then decided that wasn't for her, so she danced a few more years, and then she decided to play softball, and then she decided that wasn't for her, so she went back to dance. So he was very encouraging for them to, you know, do whatever they wanted to do, and he was there for as much of that as he could be. But, of course, you know, I was there for, you know, all of it. But he is, you know, he has always been such a good dad to our girls, and I'm just. I'm just very proud of him. [00:37:19] Speaker B: And Maggie and Jamie. Go ahead, Katrina. Go ahead. [00:37:22] Speaker E: I think the one thing that, yes, I did a lot of the going to all their games and that kind of thing, and we kept our boys involved, whether they were playing baseball or doing other things. But I think that one thing that the husbands are very good at is reading people and reading their friend sets, and more so than me sitting at a baseball game with them is the knowledge that he. He has read their friends and knows that they're going to be a good influence on them as opposed to a bad influence. So their ability to read young men at that age, at least in our situation, really helped us keep our boys surrounded by good people, whether it was good people that were standing in for us or good people that were riding in that car to baseball practice. So I would say to any wife, make sure that your husband has a chance to meet your friends and use his judgment on that friend set. [00:38:25] Speaker B: Did y' all have many conversations before you decided to get married? As far as what this was going to look like? [00:38:33] Speaker E: Because John and I worked at the same place I did, I was worried that I would be let go because obviously his position was more important than mine. And at that point, I just realized, you know what? I'm in this, and I'll do whatever job it takes. It doesn't matter if it's working at a local 711 or doing what I'm currently doing. So we did have that conversation, and like I said, we kind of just grew into it from there. [00:39:02] Speaker B: And, mom, you got out of Illinois State to raise Tim and I, and you didn't get. How old were you when you got your degree from Evansville? [00:39:12] Speaker D: 40, I believe. [00:39:13] Speaker B: Yeah. So, yeah, three of us graduated from the University of Evansville. Yeah, but, I mean, you were. You were babysitting kids in the house. You're a court reporter. Like, you were just trying to make it work, too, back then also. [00:39:25] Speaker D: Sure. Well, back then, when your dad first took the job at the university of Evansville, which had just transferred over to being a Division 1 school. It had been Division 2, and of course, they went to Division 1 because of basketball mostly. So all of the other sports were not quite as important, not as much money going in. And he actually had been coaching at a high school before that and took a pay cut to be the Division 1 baseball coach at the University of Evansville. So money was a factor. So, yes, I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my children, but also knew that, you know, we probably would need a little extra money. So I did a lot of different things, as you said, during those years, to help make it work. [00:40:15] Speaker B: And then I'm sure, as my mom can attest, I'm 51. You probably still feel like you're raising me right, Mom. [00:40:23] Speaker D: Well, you never stop. [00:40:24] Speaker B: It never goes away, right. As I'm figuring out, like, that never goes away with your kids, right? Like, you just feel like you're gonna continue to parent them and you're also a boy. [00:40:35] Speaker D: That's a good point, Mary. [00:40:39] Speaker F: Yeah. [00:40:40] Speaker D: It's true, though, I think, and I've said this recently, you know, because now Jim just turned 81 yesterday, and I'm 76, and we still worry about our. Our sons, you know, and of course, now our grandchildren. We still want them to be happy and healthy is what we say, you know, in whatever way or fashion that can be. So, yep, you're right, Rya. We never stop worrying. [00:41:05] Speaker B: And Maggie and Jamie, Katrina, with what your husbands do for the abca, you've gotten on a kind of behind the scenes look at what actually goes on with abca. So just talk about that a little bit. [00:41:17] Speaker C: Well, I mean, I think it's an amazing organization. I mean, when I tell people that the American Baseball Coaches association, that the convention, like, 7,000 coaches come, they're like, what? And I mean, just the reach that you have with high school, with junior college, with all the divisions, with summer leagues, with MLB coaches, I mean, it's just amazing, you know, who you touch the program is. I love it. I love listening to the speakers. I just think it's, you know, in the way you keep the price down for people to join and just your outreach, I just think it's an amazing organization that I'm so proud of. And I mean, just honestly, there have been a few years where Tim was like, I just don't know if I can go this year. And, you know, for whatever reason, and I'm like, you're going. And I'm going because it's important. We always like before we get there, we're like, you know, it's right near the holidays and you know, we're trying to navigate grandchildren and elderly parents, et cetera. And so sometimes we say we're not going to go and then we always go. We haven't missed a year and we always feel better after we've gone just because of the old friends we're seeing and just the work the ABCA is doing. [00:42:36] Speaker F: I agree. I was a teacher. I'm retired now as a teacher for 37 years. And so for many of the years that Rick went, I did not attend because I school and he would talk about it and come home and share things about it. But I really didn't understand it until I actually started attending those. And you're right, it is an amazing, amazing organization. [00:43:02] Speaker E: I did not attend mostly because I was working through basketball season or working like some of the other wives. But I love observing people and I think at the ABCA convention it's the only time that I have a chance to observe other wives and pull from okay, this is how they handled that or this is what their husband said and this is the way they responded. And it's just a nice opportunity for me to see other people that are in a similar situation and thriving. There's a lot of it amazes me how many ABCA members have spouses and have been with them for years and you know that they fought a lot of times. The wives have paid for their husbands to be able to go to the conventions because certainly when you start out you're not making very much money. So it is truly eye opening for me to see the opportunity of yes, this can be done and these are people who are paving the way and get it done. [00:44:06] Speaker B: And we do have a spouse's breakfast too. I think that's a unique thing too. For the conventions we do actually have a spouse's breakfast. So I've had former players, they actually brought their wives this year and I was like, hey, you need to make sure they go to the spouse's breakfast. [00:44:19] Speaker D: Attended that probably five years ago. The breakfast. Yes, many places. Many places, Chicago, many places. And I always did look forward to that. It's fun to be able to be around other coaches, wives to get their tips, tell the stories, laugh. And I also always enjoyed just being around with your dad at night with other coaches and hearing their stories and seeing that fellowship. You know, it's a good start off before the season starts for everybody and to see those long term relationships all through ABCA is really amazing, I think, and heartwarming. [00:45:02] Speaker B: Okay, everybody has to answer this one. It's fail forward moment. It's something you thought was going to set you back, but looking back now, it helped you move forward. [00:45:11] Speaker G: Oh my. [00:45:12] Speaker B: I have a million of them. But it could be professionally or it could be personally. It's a fail forward moment. Something you thought was gonna, I mean, mom, is yours. Do you get dropping out of college? Is that a fail forward moment? Because you made you turn that into success. [00:45:26] Speaker F: Yeah. [00:45:26] Speaker E: And the. [00:45:26] Speaker D: And the reason for that was your dad got the job. We went from Illinois State to University of Evansville. My major was speech pathology at the time and they didn't have speech pathology at the University of Evansville. So it took me a little while to figure out what I wanted to do. And then as I said, I worked different jobs and supported you guys and finally said, hey, you know what? I'm as smart as that person sitting across the table from me. But they make a lot more money because they've got that college degree. So that spurred me on, I think, to go back and get my degree. And I'm, I'm very happy that I did. [00:46:05] Speaker G: That's awesome. [00:46:06] Speaker B: Anybody else? [00:46:07] Speaker C: Your brain doesn't think that fast. What? Give me an example. I'm not. [00:46:10] Speaker B: I can't think of you. Mine. [00:46:12] Speaker G: We're failing forward. [00:46:13] Speaker B: I screwed up. I screwed up phone. A phone interview when I was at jmu, I had it with Kansas State. So it was for a recruiting coordinator's position. And I was like four years in at this point. So had coached summer baseball at Maggie, you and I met up in the Cape coaching Cleo Green. So this phone interview is. They. The first question is like, lay out the entire 12 month recruiting calendar. And I, I was awful at that question. So when I hang up, I'm like, I know I don't deserve that job. They probably know. So I don't get that job. But that entire next couple years of getting my master's, I put a recruiting manual together and actually Tim used to send me a lot of letters back then. You were sending letters out. So when I got off the flight for my interview at Iowa for the recruiting coordinator's position, I had that binder with me. And that's something that if I, I could have been down hard and, you know, downtrodden about not getting the Kansas State job. But rather than what was me, it was like, okay, I'm, I want to be a recruiting coordinator. Well, what does it actually look like? But that's How I got my job at Iowa is because of me not handling a phone interview correctly. You know, that's how I eventually ended up. And that I wouldn't be in this position right now that I'm in if it wasn't for that, for that little setback. I'm probably not working for the ABCA right now. That's a neat story, but that's one that almost everybody answers for this. And that's probably our favorite question of all of our listeners because we get some really good answers. My view on that is that successful people take setbacks way differently than unsuccessful people. So whatever somebody might feel like is a setback, I feel like a successful person will take that setback and it'll end up being one of the best things that happened to them. [00:47:51] Speaker G: Well, with that being said, I feel like the women in this chat, you're asking us to tell us a time you failed. And we are all so tough because we have to be. We're like, we never fail. We persevere. I feel like mine, I, I do kind of feel like with being in this marriage, I have to be very mentally tough. And I feel like I feel it from the rest of these women too. You just, you gotta buck up. You know, you're solo parenting a lot. You're by yourself a lot. Like, you just become stronger. So, yes, I definitely have never failed in my life, but one time in the past couple years, I did have a business that was starting to go under and I had people asking me to keep working and I said, you know what? I think, I think I'm going to take a break. And it came at not a great. So I decided this and I had made peace with, I'm going to take a step back. I'm just going to be a stay at home mom, which is such a luxury. And it came at a different time in Dusty's life, which was very trying for us, but in that we actually ended up, I guess this is not surprising. We had another baby. So that's, I feel like. Is that, is that a failure? Is that, that's not a failure. [00:49:30] Speaker C: We had our last baby. [00:49:31] Speaker B: It's a forward moment. [00:49:32] Speaker G: And I'll tell you, I think for us it felt. Oh no, it felt like a readjustment into our priorities. We're super family focused, family forward. And Dusty now has this new job where the priorities have been totally realigned. That's not all due to baby Posy, but it really, it was a huge adjustment in life in the best of ways. [00:50:10] Speaker E: I don't know that mine is a failed moment, but it certainly was a life altering moment for us. For years, John worked at the school without insurance and I knew that I was the bearer of our insurance, so I had to keep my job. And Florida Atlantic was adding football and. And I would be judged on how football went. So I did not have a background in it. My background was mostly with baseball. And I marched into the football coach's office, who was an old grizzly coach, and I said, I'm here to help. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to help and shift my interest from what I was doing to this. So we did it on a trial basis and my sole purpose was so that I could take care of John, would take care of the boys in the fall. They were very young and I would do it in the spring. It was really stupid from the standpoint that both are year round and I shouldn't have done that. But the one thing I did learn was how football coaches, wives and pattern themselves and how they support each other and how they get through their seasons. And I think that the things that I learned from observing the football coaches, wives, especially the head coach's wife, really shaped how I became a wife and a mother. And that was probably my stupidest and smartest moment all wrapped into one. [00:51:38] Speaker C: That's a good one. My failure is that I married really, really young and I had two babies right away and that marriage failed. And so I said, well, okay, I'm going to be a single parent. And I had two little ones. I worked two jobs, sometimes three jobs to support them. And I also said to myself, I'll never get married again. And then I met Tim Corbin and fell in love and he helped me raise these children and we've been together for 30 years now. [00:52:16] Speaker D: That's amazing. [00:52:17] Speaker C: Wow. [00:52:18] Speaker D: Congratulations. [00:52:20] Speaker F: I cannot think of one. Guys, I'm sorry. [00:52:23] Speaker G: You never failed. That's. You never did. You're amazing. [00:52:32] Speaker F: As even dating. He was coach, so I've never known, you know, any change. We've never had to move. We've always been in the same town. [00:52:42] Speaker G: That's crazy. [00:52:46] Speaker F: So we're just local people. We've been here forever. I've lived in the same town for 61 years. [00:52:52] Speaker G: All right, everyone take advice from this lady. [00:52:55] Speaker D: How did that happen? Everyone do what she's doing. [00:53:00] Speaker B: All right, another one. Any morning or evening routines, you're all really successful. Any morning or evening routines that you have built in every day that you feel like help Mary, you're white knuckling right now with the little kids. I tell coaches that all the time. I'm like, how old are your kids? They're like, well, they're five. I'm like, don't. This isn't for you. [00:53:19] Speaker A: This is. [00:53:20] Speaker B: For once, you get exactly. Moving on a little bit. [00:53:23] Speaker G: I feel like the one. The notes I'm taking here, it's like crock pots and carpools. [00:53:28] Speaker B: Hey. And that's a true. The crock pot one is a. Is a great one because we eat a lot of. We ate a lot of crock pot meals. [00:53:35] Speaker F: Whenever. [00:53:35] Speaker B: I still. I still cook them. [00:53:37] Speaker G: Like whenever candy's on the line. I'm taking notes from candy. [00:53:41] Speaker C: Get a load of this one. This is our nightly routine, and it has been for over 15 years. Tim and I eat out every night a year. 365 nights a week. I mean, a year. [00:53:54] Speaker B: But Nashville is a great spot to do that. [00:53:57] Speaker G: That makes me feel so good. Seriously, there's no crock pot. [00:54:00] Speaker C: There's no meal. I mean, he came to me like 15 years ago, or maybe even 20 when Hannah left home. And he said, will you do me a favor? Will you never cook again? I was like. At first I was so hurt. Like, what do you mean? And he said, I just. Just want a date with you every night. Which was kind of maybe a cover for I want to stay at my office later and I don't want to have a schedule. So he picks me up every night between 8 and 8:30 and we go out to eat. [00:54:32] Speaker G: That's lovely. [00:54:34] Speaker C: Works for us. [00:54:35] Speaker G: That's lovely. [00:54:37] Speaker F: Love it. [00:54:37] Speaker G: Taking notes. [00:54:38] Speaker B: Make it work. Any other resources for people to dive into? I know there's not much out there. I actually, one for me is the all or Nothing Marriage. I think that book is tremendous. I think all people should read it. It's a really good take on what I think my mom's generation did really good at is that it's not just going to be you and your husband. You're going to have your social network, you're going to have your work network. And as Mary said, it's an entire village to help raise people and have relationships with people. I think anybody that hasn't read all or Nothing Marriage, it's a great book for people that are trying to navigate that, that it's unrealistic to expect your significant other to cover all of those bases for you. Which is why I think the divorce rate is extremely high now, because I think we're expecting one other person to cover all of those bases for you, which I don't think is realistic for one person to cover all those bases for you. [00:55:31] Speaker D: And Ryan, when you say that, you know, because I was of that generation where, you know, husbands came first and wives were second, and in supporting that, and I'm not necessarily opposed. Opposed to all that, but having been. [00:55:48] Speaker B: And that's not what the book's saying is like. It's not. It's not that the wife's taking a backseat to the husband. It's like there's. There's a community piece to this whole thing. [00:55:55] Speaker D: And. And I think finally, you know, as you start to get a little bit older and your husband is very involved in things and gone a lot, you finally have to say, well, what would I like to do? What do I want to do? You know? And I've always loved movies. I've always loved plays. So I started doing that. I started to go to movies by myself, which I actually love to this day, to go to a movie by myself, you know, just trying to decide how can I take care of myself by implementing some of the things that were always important to me, that maybe I had a backseat to some of those things for a while, but then I think now our relationship is so awesome because of some of those things. You know, sometimes he'll be. Jim will be in the other room watching tv or now be, as he says, putzing somewhere else in the house. And I walk by, and we'll wave to each other, you know, like, hello. Hello. You know, obviously, at some point, we get together, but, you know, I think that it's important for people to see what's important to them as well as their husband and their children. [00:57:06] Speaker B: All right, what are some final thoughts? We'll go around the horn here or something else we should have talked about up before I let you guys go. Maggie, you can go first. [00:57:14] Speaker C: No, don't pick me. [00:57:15] Speaker G: Okay, you know what? I. I have one thing. Just in terms of, like, when we're talking about resources, I think the bottom line is you have to. You got to connect with some peers, like the other coaches, wives. You got to do something. You know what I mean? You have to have this network. I would say if you're, like, new to this and you're, you know, on the younger side, get. Get, like, join a Facebook group. Join. I think a lot of women join the church. You know, that's like a really easy community if you're, like, relocating. But I personally haven't had to do those things because I am so blessed I, I have the best mother in law who's a coach's wife and my sister in law are coach. They're both coaches wives. So like we whine together all the time about all these things and we talk about the ways to get through it. Something that we haven't brushed on this whole time is like how important it is to communicate consistently with your husband over and, and what my mother in law would say is level set. So like understanding the expectations of the evening. Are we going on our date night between 8 and 8:30? Are we expecting a crock pot dinner? Like these things are so important to just everyday life. I think I just went a little overboard. But like you need these things, you need people, you need connection, you need to be. You know, I'll, I'll stop there. [00:58:57] Speaker C: No, I agree with Mary totally. And I guess that's what I would leave it with too. I have a group of friends that I do other things with, a hiking group. I've got tennis friends, I've got a village of those friends. But I also have probably three or four coaches wives. And they're not all baseball coaches. One's a football coach wife, one's a basketball coach's wife. And if I really need like you said, to vent or whatever, they're in my life. And that's really important because even my friends that I do other things with, with, they don't understand our life. And you need people in your life that get it. And, and I would say yes, get some coaches, wives, friends. They don't have to be baseball coaches, but just women who get what you're going through. [00:59:49] Speaker G: 100%. [00:59:51] Speaker D: Agreed. [00:59:52] Speaker B: Jaime, go ahead. [00:59:55] Speaker F: Well, with that said, going to the ABCA conventions, I have met a lot of wives and I do love that. Those four days, five days, whatever of sitting and talking and just relating to them, I just, I think that's really important. [01:00:15] Speaker B: Katrina. [01:00:17] Speaker E: I think for me, the one thing that helps both of us is that he has never Coach Mack. To me, I know that he grew up in this town, so even his high school friends now call him Coach Mack. And I think to try to find a place where he's John and not Coach Corbin or not Coach hit and just let them be who they are instead of wearing that moniker in front of their name. [01:00:44] Speaker G: It's not easy, but that's a really good one. [01:00:46] Speaker B: Mom, you got anything else to add? [01:00:48] Speaker D: No, I'm good. I'm just taking in everything that's being said by these amazing women. Good job, Ryan. You picked a nice group of women and Katrina. [01:00:57] Speaker B: I do have that set. My mom will attest to that. I have a group of friends that know nothing about the baseball industry, could care less about the baseball industry. They just know me as Ryan and one of their better friends. So that's been just about every place I've lived in. I've been able to connect with people outside of the baseball industry to allow me to be me when I. When I need to be able to be me. So. Well, guys, thank you very much. You guys killed it. It was awesome. [01:01:21] Speaker E: Thank you. [01:01:22] Speaker B: Thanks for saying yes and appreciate you. [01:01:25] Speaker D: Thank you. [01:01:26] Speaker E: You guys all have a great season coming up. [01:01:28] Speaker G: Yeah, good luck. Nice to meet everybody. [01:01:32] Speaker A: I can't thank everyone enough saying yes to jumping on the podcast with me. [01:01:37] Speaker B: I hope this be a great resource. [01:01:38] Speaker A: For any families trying to navigate the coaching journey. [01:01:41] Speaker B: Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions. [01:01:44] Speaker A: Thanks again to John Litchfield, Zach Hale. [01:01:46] Speaker B: And Matt west in the ABCA office for all the help on the podcast. Feel free to reach out to me. [01:01:51] Speaker A: Via email or brownleeabca.org or Twitter, Instagram. [01:01:54] Speaker B: Or TikTok coachbrca or direct message me via the MyABCA app. This is Ryan Brownlee signing off for the American Baseball Coaches Association. [01:02:02] Speaker A: Thanks and leave it better for those behind you. [01:02:19] Speaker B: Wait for another day and the world. [01:02:26] Speaker E: Will always return and your love is. [01:02:31] Speaker B: Never for yearning and you know that. [01:02:36] Speaker E: Way. [01:02:39] Speaker B: Wait for another. [01:02:44] Speaker E: Day Sam.